Sunlight, Sagebrush and Coming Home
Reflections on a year that unfolded differently than planned.
At the beginning of this year, I wanted to move to Mallorca. I wanted to nestle down in some old farmhouse, work with the earth, hang laundry out to dry on a laundry line tied between two citrus trees.
Farmer’s markets, baking from scratch, walks along the beach and a workshop to make herbal remedies and essences from my garden. I also saw that vision with a family - a husband and two kids running around.
I was happy, I was peaceful, I was fulfilled.
12 months ago, that’s what I wanted. Deeply. I even wrote in my Journal on January 2nd, 2025, “It would shatter me to go home {San Diego}. I’m not ready.”
I also went on to say that I couldn’t even imagine going through an international move, “there’s no way I could do that on my own. It’s too much.”
Fast forward 12 months later…I’m writing this from my mom’s sofa in San Diego, where I’ve been (very happily) since July.
Looking back, my vision at the beginning of the year wasn’t coming out of nowhere. It could’ve very well happened that way (minus the kids, lol)
But as I sit here now, I’m able to see what was BEHIND that vision. The deeper desires that were being shown to me *through* that vision of my life I saw in Mallorca.
I craved belonging. I craved nature. I craved softness and slowness. I craved connection. I craved creativity. I craved nourishment.
I craved ease and vitality in a body that had been feeling discomfort for so long. I craved lightness in my thoughts and emotions. I craved steadiness and structure.
And from those desires, my little idyllic Spanish island lifestyle vision arose. And I was convinced that was the answer.
This past January, I wasn’t ready to come home to San Diego. There were still a few more (cute) lessons the Universe had in store for me. All of which I needed to learn, move through and grow from.
Lessons that could only happen in Spain, but that continued to unravel and shed layers that needed to come off before I could realize that moving back home was actually what I wanted and needed the most.
And here’s the beautiful thing…that deep, paralyzing fear I had about “doing the move alone” and worrying I couldn’t handle it all…?
Yes, it was energetically, mentally, emotionally and physically one of the most challenging things I’ve been through in years. But, I was supported the ENTIRE time.
I wasn’t doing it alone - not even close.
My mom flew all the way to Spain to help me, my friends in Seville went above and beyond (even driving 12+ hours around Andalucia helping me find Rosie and Buster’s new forever home).
I had friends support me from a distance with prayers, intentions, supportive conversations and loving words.
I will forever be grateful and humbled by the love and support.
And all those things I craved and thought I could find on a small farm in Mallorca?
I’m feeling each and every one of them right now. A deeper sense of belonging. Nature, softness and slowness. Connection. Creativity. Nourishment. Ease and vitality in my body that I haven’t felt in years. Lightness in my mind and heart. More steadiness and structure.
As I settle into my life here, find my own place, expand my practice, continue to learn and grow, deepen community and friendships, adopt little feather babies again and, hopefully…just hopefully, welcome in love in 2026, I know all of those things will deepen even further.
And I know now that *sometimes* visions and dreams are simply a messenger. They’re not necessarily meant to be born into reality, especially when they’re a mask or a distraction, for what you truly want.
An escape for what’s really being desired beneath the surface. And I’m certain, after the initial awe wore off, I would’ve still been searching for all those things while living in a Mediterranean finca.
This year, like most years, turned out differently than I initially expected. But it was all divinely meant to be…everything happening as it should, when it should.
At the beginning of this year, I greatly resisted the thought of moving home. And now, here I am, 12 months later, not able to imagine it any other way.
Cheers to a beautiful closing of 2025 and a fresh new cycle next year.
And for all of those who have been here since I first launched this Substack in October…thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Seeing your names come through as “new subscribers” meant the world to someone who was inching her way into a somewhat half-baked creative idea and endeavor. I appreciate you all so much.